Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
