Her vagina should come with caution tape.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
