so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
