Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
