Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.

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(941): View more from Florida

She is totally STD

(941): View more from Florida

Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD

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(951): View more from California

Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".

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(303): View more from Colorado

Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..

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(316): View more from Kansas

Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people

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(231): View more from Michigan

I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.

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