the new term for farting is butt boxing.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
