Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
