Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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