My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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