I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
