mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
