I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
