Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize