she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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