My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
