My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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