you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize