SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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