i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
