that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
