Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
