She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
