come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
