She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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