I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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