Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
