I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
