My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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