Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
