He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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