Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
