I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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