I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Drake has all the answers
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
