Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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