i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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