Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
