I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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