sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
