she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize