I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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