guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
