I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
