So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
