Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize