THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
