hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think your dad took our porno
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
