Your dad touched me again.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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