i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
