i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
