Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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