I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
