Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
