Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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