Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
