I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
