My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
