So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
