he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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