Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
