OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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