Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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