the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
